


01:17 am

by burntoutmatchstick



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27382708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burntoutmatchstick/pseuds/burntoutmatchstick
Summary: There was a heavy quiet on the other end, filled only with the static crackle of the phone line. Sander's name was on the tip of his tongue again when Robbe heard a low, shuddering breath, hitching in the middle with what sounded like a sob.'Sander, talk to me!' Robbe said, an icy feeling filling his stomach. He was surprised to find himself with one leg already out of the bed, his body responding before his mind could catch up...
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 1
Kudos: 86





	01:17 am

**Author's Note:**

> CONTENT WARNING: Panic attack.

Robbe felt the vibrations from his phone tug at his senses, pulling him from sleep. His tired mind rejected the feeling at first, fighting to keep him under. Then the phone buzzed again, and again, and suddenly Robbe was awake. It felt like he'd only been asleep for moments and he sighed, reaching out blindly in search of his phone to shut off the alarm. Tapping at his nightstand and knocking over an empty can of energy drink in the process, Robbe finally located the offending object and cracked one eye, lifting the light source carefully to his face. It took a moment for his sleep logged brain to process the information. There was no alarm going off, and the time glared accusingly '01:17 am'. He didn't have a chance to think through his confusion when his phone buzzed again, Sander's name replacing the early morning clock on the screen. Robbe's brain fog flicked immediately to panic as he pulled himself up onto one elbow, fingers fumbling with the unlock button, almost hanging up in his haste.

'Fuck,' he muttered, finally sliding his thumb in the right direction and pushing himself a little higher up onto his elbow. 'Sander?'

There was a heavy quiet on the other end, filled only with the static crackle of the phone line. Sander's name was on the tip of his tongue again when Robbe heard a low, shuddering breath, hitching in the middle with what sounded like a sob.

'Sander, talk to me!' Robbe said, an icy feeling filling his stomach. He was surprised to find himself with one leg already out of the bed, his body responding before his mind could catch up. 

'Robbe, I....' Sander's voice was thick and shaky.

'Baby, what's going on? Where are you?'

'Can you meet me?' Robbe heard Sander swallow hard. 'I'm sorry it's so late, but I'm out the front of your place and...'

'I'm coming.'

Robbe didn't give Sander a chance to finish his sentence before both feet were on the ground. He scrambled around the floor of his bedroom, throwing on whatever cloths lay discarded there. He could feel his heart banging beneath his ribcage as he tried not to freak out.

He'd been with Sander that afternoon. Sander had met him after school and they'd grabbed coffee before heading to their respective homes. He'd looked tired, Robbe thought, but nothing had set off alarm bells merely hours earlier. The possibilities of what could have happened in the time in between forced Robbe to move faster.

He pushed out of his bedroom door, stepping with light feet into the hallway and expertly avoiding the creaky floorboards. His mother was a deep sleeper, especially on her new medications, but he didn't want to risk the chance of her waking and slowing him down. He grabbed his keys and a coat, and forcing his feet into his white sneakers, made it out the door.

Robbe flew down the dimly lit stairs of his apartment building, taking them two at a time. His panting breath and the sound of his shoes slapping against the concrete were the only sounds that filled the empty stairwell. Reaching the ground floor, Robbe pushed through the entrance doors abruptly, not caring about the noise they made as they crashed closed behind him. The chilly night air nipped at him as he moved across the courtyard, making it to the iron gates that opened up onto the alleyway. The metal screeched as he pushed it, and his eyes darted frantically, seeking out Sander in the dimly lit street. 

Robbe spotted him almost instantly, leaning against a brick wall down the alley just in the shadows beyond the halo of a streetlamp. Robbe breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw Sander standing there whole, but the feeling didn't last long. Sander had looked up at the sound of the gate and even from here, Robbe could see the tear stricken look on his boyfriend's pale face.

The pair moved at the same time, meeting together in the middle of the street. Sander crashed into Robbe with a force that almost knocked the younger boy off his feet, but Robbe stood firm, returning Sander's force through the pressure of his embrace as he clutched at him with fierce determination.

'Hey, hey, I'm here now, you're alright...' Robbe wasn't even really aware of the sentiments he was muttering into Sander's ear, as Sander pushed his face against hard into Robbe's neck, his whole body clenched in a violent sob. Robbe was trying to hold Sander close and tight while simultaneously running his hands and eyes over his boyfriend's body checking for damage, for blood, for anything that would give him a hint about what was going on.

Satisfied at least for the moment that he wasn't suffering any dangerous physical harm, Robbe took one hand and pressed it firmly into the back of Sander's neck, cradling his head where it rested against his shoulder, pressing tiny kisses into the crown of Sander's hair. Even between the layers of both their clothing, Robbe could feel Sander's heart racing.

Slowly and careful not to break their embrace, Robbe moved them off the road, until he had Sander pressed securely between himself and a wall. He could feel Sander's hands at the front of his shirt in an iron grasp. Robbe moved his own hand off the back of Sander's neck and traced down his face, running his fingers along Sander's jaw until they were under his chin. With a gentle tug, Robbe pulled his head up. Sander straightened, keeping his hands entwined in Robbe's shirt. He didn't want to meet Robbe's eye at first, fixing his gaze somewhere above Robbe's head. Robbe took the chance to get a good look at his boyfriend. He was pale, violet sunken circles cradling his frantic, puffy eyes. Tear tracks streaked down his cheeks and neck, and Robbe could see the droplets that still clung to Sander's dark lashes. He could feel Sander's chest heaving against his own as he tried to catch his breath. Robbe moved a hand down, placing it over one of the ones Sander was clinging so fiercely to his shirt with. At the light touch, Sander finally looked down and met Robbe's eye.

'Hi,' Robbe said softly, causing Sander to hiccup a tiny laugh.

'Hi.'

Now that some of the urgency was beginning to fade from Sander's body, Robbe could feel him shivering. Making sure too keep one hand on him at all times, Robbe quickly pulled off his jacket and wrapped it snug around Sander's shoulders, pulling him closer at the same time.

'I'm sorry it's so late,' Sander said, his voice hoarse.

'That's the only time you're going to apologise tonight, okay?' Robbe replied. Sander paused for a moment, then nodded.

Robbe held Sander's gaze, searching his eyes for answers. He didn't want to push too hard, but he needed to know if he was okay.

Sander interpreted Robbe's searching gaze and shot him a small, sad smile.

'It's okay. I'm alright.' Sander swallowed hard as he said the words, tears still welling in the corners of his eyes. 'It's just a stupid panic attack.'

Robbe stood on tiptoe, quickly kissing each of Sander's eyes to catch the tears before they fell. 'There's nothing _just_ or _stupid_ about it, Sander.'

Sander shivered a little, whether from the cold or the attack, Robbe couldn't be sure. He pulled his coat tighter around Sander's shoulders and said, 'Do you want to come inside?'

Sander shook his head. 'I feel better out here, actually. The air is nice.'

Robbe nodded. 'Do you...do you want to tell me what triggered it? Or would you rather not talk?' He searched Sander's face, letting him take the lead.

Sander gave him another teary smile, and Robbe could almost feel his heart splitting in two at his boyfriend's brave attempt.

'It was nothing, really. Just a stupid fight I had with Mama that escalated,' Sander paused, trying to gain control of another gasping breath that wracked his body.

Robbe could tell by his erratic breathing that Sander had been hyperventilating and so he pushed one hand firmly into the middle of his back, rubbing small, pressured circles there until Sander had caught up enough to speak again.

'I, um, I haven't slept well the last few days, so I think I'm mostly just exhausted. And Mama kept asking me why I wasn't sleeping and I told her I didn't know, which is the truth.'

Robbe made a sympathetic noise of agreement, prompting Sander to keep talking.

'I don't know how it happened but suddenly it went from me being overtired to her asking me about my meds and whether I'd been showing up to my therapy appointments recently, and I don't know Robbe I'm just so...it's just so... ' Sander's chin trembled.

Robbe muttered a quiet _shh_ and let Sander lay his head on his shoulder again. Robbe wasn't sure how long they stood there like that, hidden in the shadows of the little alley. He held Sander close, swaying them both slightly, hoping that he could somehow help Sander feel better by the sheer force of his embrace alone.

'Four, seven, eight,' Robbe whispered in Sander's ear, and together they breathed in for four seconds, held for seven, breathed out for eight. It was a breathing technique Sander's psychologist had taught him, and honestly Robbe found it pretty useful in his own life, too. They kept up the deep breathing in tandem until Sander's shuddering gasps had returned to a normal pace and Robbe could no longer feel his heart racing. Sander was still shivering though, one of his common come downs from a panic attack, and so Robbe kept holding him close. An alarm wailed in the distance.

'It's just extra frustrating,' Sander said after some time, his voice soft and tired. 'It's frustrating that I'm working so hard at the moment, that I _am_ taking all my meds, I _am s_ howing up to all my appointments and it only takes one off day for her to start doubting me again.'

Robbe nodded.

'I know that she's scared,' he said. 'And I know I shouldn't be too hard on her, after all, I _have_ given her reasons not the believe me in the past...' Sander trailed off.

'Maybe you shouldn't be too hard on her Sander, but she shouldn't be too hard on you, either. You _have_ been working so hard lately. I'm so proud of you, and I know that she is too. I think it was probably just her fear reacting.'

Sander nodded. 'Well, I haven't exactly helped my case, have I? One argument is all it takes me to spiral into a panic attack and run away and...'

Robbe felt Sander's shoulders begin to clench again.

'Hey, _hey,_ look at me. It's okay. This is what we're going to do...' Robbe reached a hand into Sander's pocket, pulling out his phone and handing it to him. 'You're going to text your Mama that you're safe with me, that you'll be spending the night here and that you'll see her tomorrow. Which is _not_ something that spiralling, running away Sander would have done.'

Sander took his phone and did as Robbe said, the soft _swoosh_ of the sent message echoing down the quiet alley.

'Now what, maestro?' Sander asked, his tone joking but his eyes serious, burning into Robbe's in search of the answers he needed.

'Now this?' Robbe questioned, craning his neck up so that his face was closer to Sander's.

Robbe smiled slightly and paused, waiting to see if Sander was comfortable. 'What do you need?'

Without hesitation, Sander crashed his lips into Robbe's, their noses bumping in the desperation. Robbe let Sander take the lead, happy to give his boyfriend whatever he needed most in this moment. Sander deepened their kiss. It wasn't soft, their noses bumped and their teeth clashed as Sander clung onto Robbe with desperation, pulling him closer and closer. Their tongues fought against each other as Sander finally loosened his grip on Robbe's shirt to draw his hands under the material, snaking them up Robbe's bare chest until they rested against his ribcage. Sander let out a contended breath as the warmth of Robbe's skin met his, and voice slightly shaky, he pulled apart from their kiss to whisper in Robbe's ear;

'I just need you.'

Robbe hummed against Sander's throat, making the taller boy squirm. He twisted his fingers in Sander's hair and before bringing his head back up, seeking another kiss, Robbe said;

'You have me. _Voor altijd.'_


End file.
